Hey, it's raining. Did you know that?
Apparently tonight's umpires didn't realize it was raining until we were almost through the first inning. Then they were like, "Hey, it's raining sideways. Maybe we should leave?" So the entire softball complex huddled under an awning until the director almost drowned in a puddle and decided to cancel the games.
Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration.
I really wanted to play, but we were already losing, so I guess cancelling was for the best.
I love playing softball (25+ years and going strong!), but more than anything, I just REALLY needed the distraction tonight.
Why you didn't ask?
Because tomorrow I. Am. Having. SURGERY.
And you know me: I have no chill (especially when it comes to being drugged and letting doctors touch me), so I'm having a hard time relaxing tonight.
One of the kind nurses at the surgery center called me this afternoon to go over everything (no food or drink after midnight, don't wear anything complicated like a corset or assless chaps—you know, the usual) and asked me a series of questions that made me start to really reconsider what I was doing.
Nurse: "Now I'm just going to ask you some questions that we have to ask everyone before they arrive. Firstly, do you have a will?"
Me: "Wow. You're just diving right in, huh? No, I don't have a will."
Nurse: "I figured. It would be really rare if someone your age had a will."
Me: "Wait, should I have a will? Why would I need to have a will for this? There's no time to get one now! But I plan on just leaving everything to my dog anyway and I'm pretty sure my husband already knows that so—"
Nurse: "It's no big deal! I just have to ask as a formality. Now, do you take recreational drugs?"
Me: "No. People like me should not ingest in mind-altering substances."
I think I kept her on the phone about 10 minutes too long. I don't understand yes or no questions.
Right now I'm doing everything I can to distract myself so I can fall asleep tonight. Professional football officially started tonight, so Clayton is useless right now and I can't focus on my book. I've read the same page about 5 times now and have no idea what I just read.
I'm obviously nervous because hey, it's surgery and no one willingly wants to go through that, but I also know that part of me is worried that this won't be the true fix to my physical problems. Yes, I have venous reflux in both of my leg and yes, I absolutely need to have this done to prevent future problems (leg ulcers, anyone?), but what if this is in no way tied to my struggles with running? What if I come out of this and still feel the same? Then what?
I just ate some ice cream. That helped a little.
In addition to correcting my venous reflux, my doctor is also going to remove the varicose veins that are on the fronts and backs of both legs. I think that's the part I'm most excited about right now. I haven't worn shorts or dresses most of the summer because I've been wanting to hide my legs, so I'm really excited to get some confidence back.
I thought about posting a picture of my veins so you could see what I've been talking about all of these months, but then I remembered that the internet is forever and oh my gosh, what if Beyonce saw it?
If you're a praying person, I'd really appreciate the prayers for tomorrow. Prayers that I don't have a panic attack when I get there and prayers that I feel better. Prayers that the anesthesiologist is good at math.
Here goes nothing.