My thoughts on shopping for lingerie

Wednesday, January 21, 2015


I'm not entirely sure how this blog post is going to go over, but it's just my opinion and you don't have to agree with it. I just ask that if you have a burning desire to express your own thoughts on the subject, you do so kindly and respectfully. Nothing grates my cheese more than people who use aggression or insults to get their point across.

That being said, I don't think men should be allowed in Victoria's Secret.

I totally understand that Victoria's Secret sells what most straight men want (boobies), but it's my personal belief that only humans with actual boobies should be free to roam this particular store.

I know it's hard to believe, but I am a woman. I enjoy feeling like a woman. I'm almost 30 years old and I feel like I'm just starting to come into my own. Being a woman is complicated, but it's beautiful, and I think that men should feel privileged for getting to love us and touch us.

Though I don't shop there often because their prices are kind of outrageous, I've always enjoyed wandering through Victoria's Secret. Standing amongst the beautiful, silky undergarments and the women there to purchase them creates an odd sense of unity. It's all very Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Whether women are there to feel sexy for their significant others or just for themselves, it's empowering.

And nothing ruins that buzz quicker than some dude standing in a pile of underwear with his girlfriend, helping her make a selection.

This recently happened to me when I went to V.S. to purchase noneofyourbusiness. While perusing their sale items, I walked past a young couple just in time to hear the following exchange:

Girl, holding up a pair of undies: "What do you think of these?"
Boy, unsure: "When on earth would you wear such a thing?"
Girl, smiling coyly: "Oooooh, I think you know .... "

I couldn't make out the rest of their conversation because at that point my ears started bleeding. I love my fellow sisters, but I do not need to be privy to your public foreplay.

Now, I'm not saying that these gentlemen are creeps or are paying an iota of attention to the other ladies present, but I still feel uncomfortable purchasing lingerie under the gaze of a male stranger. A male presence in the store suddenly makes me feel exposed and I don't want another man to see what I choose to wear under my clothes. I understand that this reaction is more of a direct reflection on me and my way of thinking, but regardless, it puts a damper on the shopping experience.

When I hastily thrust my purchases onto the sales counter, I was dismayed to see that the person working the register was a man. In all of my years shopping at Victoria's Secret, I've NEVER seen a man working in the store. I suddenly felt my cheeks turn crimson and I struggled to make eye contact because I'm used to being assisted by women who understand the struggle of shoving butt cheeks and nipples into these crazy contraptions.

And then I felt extremely torn and confused because I'm all about equal opportunities and believe men and women alike should be able to work anywhere they darn please.

Clayton refuses to go into Victoria's Secret with me. He's content to park himself on a bench outside of the store, and though I don't think it's a chivalrous act of respect so much as a way to save himself the embarrassment of accidentally making eye contact with a g-string, it's much appreciated.

So ladies, please consider leaving your boyfriends or husbands behind on this excursion. Call him from the car to tell him about your new thong. Send him a selfie from the dressing room for all I care. You don't need him right there in the store to pick it out with you. If you can't choose a piece of lingerie that you think with drive him wild, then you might not know him that well.

But you know what all straight men find universally sexy? Naked ladies. So just put on your birthday suit and put that $50 towards pizza and champagne instead.

C

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