Mall Confessions

Thursday, October 23, 2014

So I like the mall.

I like to breathe, too.

What stupidly obvious statements.

Anyway, when I was at the mall on Tuesday evening, I was reminded of one of the most awkward social situations that seems to plague me every time I step foot inside a shopping mall:

I don't know how to leave a store when I don't buy anything.

I consider myself to be somewhat of a shopping pro (this week I used a birthday coupon on a sweater I was waiting to go on sale at The Limited and ended up getting it for FREE. A $70 sweater ... FOR FREE.), and that has made me a pretty picky shopper. I used to buy whatever I thought was cute, but now that I have big girl bills and a mortgage (and a guilty conscious), I have to be a little more circumspect with my purchases.

In other words, I try to window shop more often than I actually buy.

It takes me all of 30 seconds to decide if I like a store's merchandise, but I feel really bad for basically peeking my head in, saying "Nah", and just walking right back out.

So I will spend about 5 minutes in every store no matter what, intentionally touching merchandise and glancing at price tags to create the illusion that I have a very genuine interest in the clothing or accessories. I might even pick up a shirt and hold it against me for good measure. I'll make a huge circle in the store, walking through every section and glancing at every rack.

Then, once I'm convinced that sales clerk has turned her attention to another customer or is busy restocking items, I will make a beeline for the exit, my face burning the entire way. Like, "OMG, I'm sorry! It's not you, it's me. ... Actually, it's the clothes. They're terribly overpriced."

I'm just like:


Does this happen to anyone else?


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