I could not find a better picture for this post. Sorry. Read on and you'll see why.

The number of people who have seen me naked is on the rise.

I can now say that 5 people (not including those that changed my diapers) have seen my whole world.

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been having a few health concerns that resulted in my going to the doctor earlier this week. She ordered an ultrasound of my ovaries to rule out the possibilities of a cyst or any other funny business, so that was my Tuesday afternoon.

It was strange getting an ultrasound because honestly, I always thought my first one would be because I had a baby inside of me. I had cold goo slapped on my belly and the technician rolled the probing device around my pelvic region to check out my baby factory.

Then he and a shadowing college student proceeded to perform a transvaginal ultrasound which was every bit as classy and dignified as it sounds. Without too many graphic details, here's what a transvaginal ultra sound entails: super long probe, condom, gel, penetration, awkwardness.

I am very appreciative that the probe used a condom so it couldn't get me pregnant, but he didn't even ask me my name first. 

After taking several minutes to pinpoint the location of my ovaries (which were exactly where they were supposed to be, but you'd never know that by how long it took to locate them), the technician asked me if I wouldn't mind letting the student take over and "get in some extra practice".

Sure. Use me as your guinea pig. Whatever.

P.S. That student needs more practice because I spent an uncomfortable amount of time being a human joystick.

And then to make the experience even more beautiful and comfortable, they highlighted my bowel gas on the screen and it came alive in a multicolored light show. "That's just your gas," the technician said, matter-of-fact. "Everyone has it."

"But so much?" I asked.

He never responded.

My loving husband sat mutely in a corner of the darkened room with most bewildered, concerned look on his face. After the procedure was over and we were alone so I could get dressed he said to me, "I've only ever heard about what goes on at your gynecology appointments. This was just ... wow. You women go through so much on a regular basis."


I got the results of the ultrasound yesterday and everything came back just fine. So basically, there's no rhyme or reason as to why I was crying and writhing on the bed in pain on Monday night and no explainable reason as to why my abdominal wall feels like it's frozen in a chronic sit-up. I'm happy my lady parts are okay, but I'm still frustrated, frightened and confused about what's happening with my body. I haven't felt good in almost 2 weeks now.

My doctor has not been the most helpful, so I've been doing a lot of panic-induced research on WebMD. Heating pads and ice packs seem to help and based on when these flareups occur, I'm starting to suspect something muscular (like a tear or strain) or a hernia.

All very fun things.

I hope you guys are having a good day.