Teaching jitters

I've had nervous butterflies in my tummy all day and I actually kind of feel like vomiting, too. (I wonder if it's possible to throw up nervous butterflies? Most beautiful barf ever?) Teaching a college course seemed like a totally awesome idea 4 months ago, but now that the first day of class has finally arrived, I'm majorly choking on that decision.

Come on, Courtney, put on your big girl pants and git-r'-done.

Like I've said before, I am terrified of public speaking and quite honestly, I don't like attention. I always think I want people to pay attention to me or recognize me, but the second it actually happens, I'm like, "PASS! PASS!" For example, I was so stoked to be a bride and was almost drunk with excitement at the thought of all eyes being on me in all of my diamond-white veiled glory, but as soon as I took that first step down the aisle on my wedding day, I was overcome with a wave of terror and frantically thought, "STOP STARING AT ME!"

And regardless of whether or not my students are actually paying attention to the words that are coming out of my mouth, they will be staring at me. They'll be taking in my appearance and my mannerisms, and they're going to make judgements. (And not all of those judgements are going to be positive.) I keep reminding myself of this; not to make myself even more nervous, but to get me to just accept it as an inevitable fact and move on.

Because as we all know, if you remain stagnant and never put yourself out there (i.e. try something new, move out of your comfort zone, take a risk), you'll never know what you're capable of.

Plus, I'm totally rocking one of my most favorite pair of suede boots today. What could possibly go wrong?!

Wish me luck!


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