Dear Facebook FriendsFriday, September 27, 2013
Day 19 of Blogtember (I've skipped a few days): An anonymous letter to your Facebook friends. Be as snarky as you'd like. (But don't include people's real names.)
This topic could really get me in trouble as many of my readers click links to my blog through Facebook. I would never name any names, nor would I ever divulge any identifiable information that could cause any individual to even speculate that I was specifically referring to them, but still! This feels mean.
Oh well ...
|Sorry for the rough language, but it needed saying.|
Dear Facebook friends,
My current friends list boasts a modest 456 people (many of which were added between the years of 2004 and 2008 when we had that one class together at IU and then never spoke again), but a healthy 30% of you have been removed from my newsfeed. Why? Because I'm far too passive to ever actually DELETE you from my friends list, but I find your posts annoying enough that I don't want to see everything you have to say all the time.
Likewise, I'm not naive enough to believe that I haven't been removed from other people's newsfeeds. I can be super obnoxious, especially about running and how often I post pictures of my baked goods (and you may even find the daily links to my blog insufferable). I get it, and it doesn't offend me in the slightest.
People who post frequent pictures of their dogs are among my favorite friends. Trust me, I think everything your dog does is adorable, too.
Likewise, to the people going through weightloss programs, school or any other big life changes: I'm always interested in updates. Even if I don't "like" or comment on everything you're saying, I am rooting for you!
To those who write in Ebonics or obsessively use hashtags (FACEBOOK IS NOT TWITTER), consider yourselves removed from my newsfeed.
To those who post status updates multiple times in an hour: Stop it. Unless you're a news correspondent reporting from the scene of a crime, your day is not that interesting.
Also, stop liking your own posts. I think I'm witty and hilarious all the time, but you don't see me giving myself the thumbs up when I post a new status update. It's like laughing at your own jokes—don't do it!
Furthermore, it's totally cool to express political opinions on social media, but don't be a dick about it. It's entirely possible to express an opinion or belief without bringing another person or group down in the process. In fact, anything you say becomes instantly irrelevant to me when you use foul language or insult the opposing viewpoint in the process.
In conclusion, I will never, ever want to play Candy Crush. So stop sending me invites.