Blog Every Day in May: Day 7

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

I have been under the weather more in the past year than I have ever been in my entire life. My co-workers keep telling me it's because I work in a very public building with lots of icky, germ-y traffic coming in and out on a daily basis and that my body has to totally break down before it can build itself back up. I've heard this all before, but I didn't believe it applied to me because I keep an arsenal of Bath and Body Works hand sanitizer and Lysol on my desk at all times.

But here I am, fighting an oncoming cold and swallowing what feels to be fire.

Speaking of health ...


I haven't given my "biggest fears" too much thought until I was given this writing prompt. I mean, I am fully aware that my everyday surface fears include tornadoes, reoccurring dreams about tornadoes, dreams about my teeth falling out, massive ships (something about giant boat propellers gives me the heebie jeebies), the very idea of sunken ocean liners, tentacled creatures, and the popping noise from opening a canister of refrigerated biscuits. However, my emotional fears run much deeper and have the potential to devastate me in ways that the aforementioned never could (unless of course I was stuck on a sinking cruise ship with an octopus wrapped around my face, punching my teeth out and trying to force-feed me Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits.)

I have a HUGE fear of life passing me by. I'm terrified of waking  up one day and realizing that I didn't accomplish the things I set out to do, that I was stagnant in following my dreams. It's fairly accurate to say that the fear of regret looms heavily on my heart. 

In addition to feeling like I'm not getting anywhere in life, I have a mind-numbingly intense fear of my loved ones losing their health. My mother had a mild health scare several months ago and the uncertainty and waiting period was almost to much to bare for all of us. And both times my husband has had surgery, I was weak and shaky at just the mere image of him in a hospital gown.

At the same time, I'm scared of losing my own health. I exercise daily, eat healthy (most of the time), try to drink enough water, and get plenty of sleep. It scares me to think that despite taking the proper precautions, I can't prevent all diseases and afflictions. Sure, I can greatly reduce the chances of developing such things by continuing to live and improve my current lifestyle, but I can't 100% protect myself from everything all the time.

And THAT'S scary.

We can't prevent bad things from happening to us. No matter how much I try to avoid it, I live in the Midwest and I will hear those ominous tornado sirens at least once every spring. Short of moving to a different state, there's nothing I can do to prevent tumultuous weather. And even if I did move states, I'd be trading tornadoes for something equally as scary like hurricanes, landslides or sink holes.

Just because we can't stop our fears doesn't mean we need to live in a state of constant paranoia, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. Obsessing over my health or someone else's isn't going to do anything but drive ME crazy. I'm very fond of the saying, "Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but you won't get anywhere." When it comes to fear, the best we can ask for is courage to face that fear if and when it should ever come to fruition ... and do our best to enjoy the happy moments where we do not have giant squids wrapped around our faces.

How do you deal with your fears?

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1 comments

  1. I also dream about losing my teeth :( i hate it!

    http://magicinacupcake.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete

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