Blog Every Day in May: Day 3

Friday, May 03, 2013


Friday, May 3rd: Things that make you uncomfortable

I love this topic … mostly because I’m pretty sure the whole world and all of the people in it make me uncomfortable. 

Fighting

Nobody loves a good reality TV fight more than me (Why else would I DVR every episode of The Real Housewives?), but I love watching rich, bored housewives fight over hair extensions and collagen because I can spectate from the safety of my living room. Their vapid, overly exaggerated quarrels are entertaining because they have absolutely nothing to with me. I’m simply an observant little fly on the wall in another zip code.

However, if two or more people in the group I’m hanging out with or if anyone in my general vicinity breaks out into a screaming match, I freak the eff OUT. I cannot stand yelling, and confrontation makes me wilt with uneasiness. When the claws come out I have to retreat, lest I break out into hives. 

I’ve been trapped in a car with girls who decided to get all Maury-Povich on each other, and I had no idea what to do. I can tell you what I wanted to do—I wanted to tuck and roll and just jump out of the car. I’d rather get run over on the high way then have to sit in awkward silence while two people hash it out right in front of me. 

Instead, I busied myself with the radio knobs and stared bewilderingly out the window, pretending like I was deaf and trying my best to imagine a happier, more peaceful life somewhere else. 

Bathroom singers

I encounter a surprising amount of women who like to sing whilst using the bathroom. About once a month, while I’m taking my afternoon potty break, I will get startled right off the toilet seat by a Whitney Houston ballad suddenly breaking out from one of the adjacent stalls. 

All conversation in the bathroom will immediately cease because no one has absolutely any idea about the proper protocol for commode concerts. Should we applaud? Should we try to harmonize? Should we choreograph a big dance number with toilet paper streamers? 

I feel like continuing to urinate during her performance would just be rude, so I always kind of tense up and freeze until it’s over (which I suppose makes for strong pelvic muscles?).

Nothing about going to the bathroom makes me feel like singing, so this is one phenomenon that has left me positively stumped. If you’re looking for a record deal, this is not the place to do it. Randy Jackson and Clive Davis are probably in the men’s restroom, thanks.

People making fools of themselves

People embarrassing themselves on television or in movies make me so uncomfortable, I have to look away or change the TV channel. I stopped watching American Idol because I couldn’t stomach the horrible auditions. I know it makes for great television, but there is something so painfully humiliating about letting a bad singer belt off-key show tunes and delay putting them out of their misery. 

Oh, and when the bad singers think that they’re the GOOD singers and seem legitimately surprised they don’t get to go through to the next round? THAT’S THE WORST.

Other television moments that make me uncomfortable include pretty much anything Michael Scott has every said or every done in every single episode of The Office. His Chris Rock impersonation in season 1 made me cringe so much, I left the room momentarily. I left not because I was offended, but because I couldn’t stand watching him embarrass himself.


Black tights as pants

This is going to sound asinine, but girls who wear black tights as pants makes me uncomfortable to the point where I have to avert my gaze whenever I walk down the halls in our building because I refuse to make eye/butt contact with a student committing this fashion faux pas. 

When I say “black tights as pants” I’m referring to girls who wear skin tight leggings (that were originally meant to be worn under dresses or tunics) with regular-length shirts, revealing the entirety of their badonkadonk for public consumption. I don’t care how cute you think you booty is, nobody wants to see that in broad daylight. Black tights have the ability to make even the roundest and firmest of buttocks appear wonky and sad and I’m sorry, but sometimes the fabric is kind of see-through and I don’t need to know how long your butt crack is.

S-E-X

Call me a prude, but the topic of sex makes me wicked uncomfortable. I don't like talking about S-E-X with my friends and I certainly don't like hearing about it from other people. As far as I'm concerned, people don't have private parts. Everyone looks like Barbie and Ken underneath their clothes.

Now, there is absolutely nothing shameful with human sexuality, and I definitely believe it's something that every person deserves to embrace and explore, but keep it to yourself, please. Private parts are called private parts for a reason—they're private! That means that any business going in and out of them should be private, too.

That last sentence just grossed me out.

What are some things that make YOU uncomfortable?

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8 comments

  1. Omg. I just DIED laughing at my desk at work. Thank you!

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  2. People sing in the bathroom?!?! What the??? This is craziness. I'd feel awkward too!

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  3. My fiance gets super uncomfortable with awkward people and awkward moments - on tv and in real life. Last year I proposed the idea that we start watching Parks and Rec. He couldn't even make it through one episode he was so awkwarded out. HA! It makes me laugh thinking about it again.

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  4. HAHAHA this was hilarious! I feel what you're saying on SOOOO many points! And I love reality TV drama but not real life drama! FO' SHO'!

    --Erika
    Blog Every Day in May Challenge
    http://www.chimerikal.com

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  5. Love this! I am so with you on the "leggings are not pants" topic! Grosses me out no matter how thin or fit the girl is!

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  6. I don't know how I've managed to make it to 31 without encountering bathroom singers but man, oh man, I feel like I'm missing out on some good entertainment! And I'm totally with you on the leggings as pants thing. They are NOT pants (and they go hand in hand with too tight jeans making me uncomfortable...)

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  7. Bahaha. This post is hilariously brilliant!

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