The office pollutant

I gotta be honest with you, I haven't felt like myself for the past few days which is making the task of writing a weekend recap incredibly daunting. Nothing is specifically wrong—I definitely can't pinpoint one clear-cut reason as to why I currently have the emotional and creative fortitude of a wet wash rag—but I'm just in funk.

I don't even think it's fair to say I'm in a funk because while I'm not twirling around a grassy field singing about the hills being alive with the sound of music, I don't feel particularly sullen either.

I'm just kind of  ... here. And for someone who runs at a high-level of intensity all. the. time., this is a rather strange development. 

It's hard to explain.

But I did waste a significant chunk of my weekend dreading going back to work today. I wasn't apprehensive about the impending work week because I hate my job or anything like that. I was nervous because on Friday night, while I was watching Death Becomes Her, I was hit with the realization that the hard-boiled egg I brought for a delicious, yet healthy snack that day was enjoyed after facilities came by and emptied our trash. I was paralyzed by the thought of the yolk and shells I so carelessly tossed into the garbage becoming a hot, simmering heap of yuck by the time we came back to work on Monday. (Our office has been usually warm these past few weeks as the building tries to adjust to the emergence of spring.) Visions of the building being evacuated and men in hazmat suits rushing into the building sadly kept me from falling asleep that night.

Saturday night, too.

After dropping our brand new 3-hole puncher last week, my boss exclaimed, "That is such a Courtney thing to do!"

Yeah, well, you know what else is "such a Courtney thing to do"? Leaving eggs to rot and fester in a garbage can all weekend and inadvertently ruining the quality of air for all of my peers.

And it's also so-very-Courtney to worry and panic over the most bizarre things. Seriously, most people worry about paying bills or their relationship status or their health or the environment. Not me. The world as a whole is in turmoil and disarray, but here I am, sitting in my living room like, "DID I MAKE MY OFFICE SMELL LIKE FARTS!?"

Clay tried to make me feel better by offering to drive with me out to the building on Saturday night so I could pull a quick switch-a-roo with the garbage (and deodorize if necessary), but I don't have a key to the main door and I knew there was no way I could justify myself to the director of security if I was caught breaking into the building at 11 o'clock at night to steal my own trash.

So I spent my weekend in partial agony, wondering if the entire tiny office would be reeking of sulfur on Monday.

I held my breath (literally) as I opened the office door this morning and was more than relieved to find that not only did the office not smell like sulfur, it actually smelled like gummy bears.

It was an act of God. It had to be.

As soon as I sat down, I peered into the garbage can sitting next to my desk and sure enough, the boiled egg yolk was still sitting pretty on its nest of broken egg shells, causing absolutely zero harm. Lying next to the yolk was the pink foil wrapper from a strawberry-flavored piece of Laffy Taffy, a wrapper my boss must have discarded on his way out of the office late on Friday night.

That explains the gummy bear smell.

I do the dumbest things, but I also obviously have the dumbest luck.

But tell me something good—how was your weekend? 


  1. Today my boss asked me if I'd gotten new reports loaded over the weekend like I'd planned. I said, "No, and that was just laziness on my part," and I honestly think the only reason he overlooked my laziness was because we'd gotten to the office early for a meeting and he wasn't quite awake yet.

    That said nothing about my weekend, really, but I thought I'd share. :)

  2. My weekend was spent eagerly awaiting spring! Bloomington is so beautiful in the spring. We're just not quite there yet. Also spent most of Sunday getting trained on TRX and watching a CycleFit presentation at the SRSC.

  3. That is hilarious! I used to always wonder if the trash would get taken out on Fridays after work because I knew how much food/garbage would be piled up. A former coworker used to always have insanely weird [to me] asian foods for lunch and sometimes i could hardly stand to smell it fresh, let alone after sitting in the trash a few days.


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