Fart-producing taco dip

Hey, babes and bros! (I have no idea what pet names to give my readers. Justin Bieber fans are called "Beliebers" or some kind of nonsense like that, and Lady Gaga has her "Little Monsters". Wanna be my Neuroticals? It's like, people who are neurotic and have a love of sailing. ... No, I don't see that one sticking.)

Anyway, I've got a recipe for you today! And if you don't want a recipe, well, too bad. You're getting one.

I've been on a big "make a meal that lasts for several days" kick to save both money and time, but the hubs and I have grown thoroughly sick of casseroles, stews and soups. So I decided to deviate from our normal routine and upped the ante by creating my take on taco salad.

My taco salad was inspired by a recipe from one of my favorite food blogs, Skinny Taste. I simply took her Skinny Taco Dip recipe and beefed it up (literally). Since I was using the dip for an actual meal, not just a snack, I added more substance with a pound of lean ground beef, a can of fat-free refried beans, and a can of red kidney beans that I had leftover from my last pot of chili. (A general rule of thumb: if a food will give me gas, I'll probably love it.)

What you will need for Fart-Producing Taco Dip:
  • a head of ice berg lettuce
  • 3-4 small tomatoes (or 2 big ones ... or just 1 super tomato. I don't care, you decide.)
  • 1 packet of taco seasoning
  • 1lb lean ground beef
  • 1 (12 oz.) can of red kidney beans or black beans (optional)
  • 1 (12 oz.) can of fat-free refried beans
  • 1 (3 oz.) can of black olives
  • 8 oz. low-fat sour cream
  • 8 oz. fat-free cream cheese
  • large jar of salsa
  • 1 package of shredded Mexican cheese
  • 1 bag of tortilla chips

The prep time for this dish took a total of probably 25 minutes, most of it being spent chopping lettuce and dicing tomatoes (I made SUCH a mess).

First, I opened a can of whoop ass refried beans and spread its beany goodness on the bottom of a medium-sized casserole dish (a larger dish will probably work better unless you want taco dip that kind of resembles a deep-dish pizza).

Next, I simply browned the ground beef in a skillet and added a packet of taco seasoning.

^^A chef secret: Your food will taste even more delicious if you look as unattractive as possible while cooking it.

After draining the beef, I dumped it into a mixing bowl and added fat-free cream cheese (which we discovered tastes like nothing), low-fat sour cream (which we discovered tasted like low-fat nothing), a can of kidney beans (my special fart ingredient), and about 1 1/2 cups of mild salsa. Unless you're a giant baby like my husband, you may use hot salsa or any kind of salsa you'd like.

If it looks disgusting, you're doing it right.

I thoroughly stirred the above ingredients (I also added a tablespoon of chili powder because I'm a spicy lady) and poured the mixture over the layer of refried beans waiting in the casserole dish.

Next, I topped the beefy mixture (that sounds sick) with a sprinkling of lettuce and tomatoes. If  your loved ones don't care for tomatoes (Clayton ...), now is the time to gently whisper into their sweet little ears, "I don't care" and do whatever you want anyway.

Finally, I added the shredded cheese and black olives. (Skinny Taste's recipe calls for only 1 cup of cheese, but that's for skinny people with no souls ... I used the entire bag.)

Pile your plate with tortilla chips, pour a glass of your favorite whiskey (or in my case, the cheapest, nastiest-tasting whiskey you can find at the last minute) and enjoy!

Sleeping in separate rooms that night is advised.

Have a great day! :)

^^Sorry, that was an extremely abrupt way to end this post. I didn't know what else to do, and I didn't want to just be all like, "Bye!"



  1. I never had a reason NOT to get nose surgery to clear my airways...until a week after I go through with it. Then you help yourself to your fair share of this stuff...I've been looking for crap to shove up my nostrils ever since.

    1. Did you really just leave a comment on my blog? Out of everything I've ever written, especially considering all of the stuff on here that's about you and I as a couple, you finally decide to come out from under your rock and leave a comment on a post about taco dip and farts!?

      You are a genuine treasure, Clayton P. A genuine treasure.

  2. I was thinking you could go with neuroesticles. Has a nice weight to it.


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