The season of suck

Happy Friday, all! This has been a hellacious week of playing "catch up" at work after missing 2 days, so I am more than pleased that the weekend has finally arrived at my doorstep. Not sure if I want to enjoy drinks out with friends tonight or just ... nap.

And thank you so much for your "pump me up" song suggestions on yesterday's post! I've gotten a lot of  really good ones (an old friend from high school emailed me her vote for Asia's "Heat of the Moment", and I squealed with happiness because that's totally my favorite 80s song!), so please keep them coming! I'll keep drilling you guys until I'm confident that I have at least 2 solid hours of good tunes. I'm even thinking of putting the final playlist on shuffle and giving away a silly little prize to the reader whose song is playing as I cross the finish line (assuming I cross the finish line. Dear sweet baby Jesus, please let me cross the finish line). But, I'm poor and I don't know what kind of silly prize I'd have to give away other than a high-five and a heartfelt compliment.

Anyway, last night was my first softball game of the season (it was technically the team's second game, but I couldn't make it last week due to traveling for Los Angeles), and I think I can best describe my performance as one hot, appalling mess.

Think of this way: Remember back in 2010 when Lindsay Lohan was accused of hitting a baby stroller with her Maserati? And remember that same summer when Snooki was arrested at Seaside for disorderly conduct when she fell off a bicycle while intoxicated? Well, if those two girls got together and, through the wonders of in vitro fertilization, had a baby girl and told her to go play softball, I'd be exactly what you'd get as a result.

It was embarrassing, to say the least.

In my defense, I haven't thrown a ball or swung a bat since last October and while that's a piss-poor excuse for playing so badly, it is a legitimate explanation. I whiffed several pitches while at bat, and I couldn't stop a line drive to save my life at second base. I know that no one was scrutinizing my mistakes except for me because I walk the fine line between self-sabotage and self-disparagement, but I felt tense and uncomfortable for the entire duration of the game.

And my buddy Jamie, bless her heart, put me second in the batting order and anyone with a working knowledge of softball and baseball knows that you put your stronger batters in the first four spots of the batting line-up. As I stood in the on-deck circle taking a few awkward practice swings, I turned back to Jamie and said, "You put me second in the batting order. You do remember my disgusting batting average from last season, don't you?" But Jamie, with her sweet, optimistic spirit gave me a smile and replied, "You can do it!"

And I was all like:

I wanted to crawl under the bleachers and die. I don't know what my problem was, but I just couldn't wait on the ball. I leaned forward and swung aggressively at nothing but air, and I'm pretty sure there is nothing on the planet more embarrassing than swinging really hard at ... nothing.

I had one solid line drive and the rest of my hits were pathetic little pop-ups to the infield.

My only noteworthy play of the evening was sliding into third base and being called "safe" when it was almost too close to call. (At least my ceaseless running has allotted me some kind of advantage on the softball field.) Granted, I tore the dickens out of the skin on my knee and shin but, as I told Clayton later that night, it's not softball season until I've slid into a base and started bleeding. There's just something about the dirt of a softball field that makes me all like, "I wanna be on you." I seriously injure myself like this every single season, but it never bothers me because aside from some mild stinging, it's a pretty cool battle wound to brag about.

I also did something outrageous to the top of my left foot because I can hardly flex it today. I vaguely remember pivoting out on the field when a play shifted and I think I strained, sprained or twisted something in that area because it hurts! I propped my leg up on my desk today with an ice pack and while I can walk on it without any problems and there isn't any bruising or swelling, I don't want to take any chances with the mini marathon only one week away!

Our team ended up losing the game 17-7. It was pretty disappointing, but I was mostly just disappointed in myself. I go through this cycle every year, too. It takes me a few games to find my stride and by the end of the season, I've hit my groove and feel just as confident as any other girl out there on the field. Like most situations in my life, I'm just too hard on myself and once again crumbled under the weight of my own outrageous expectations for myself.

Take deep breaths, Courtney. You just need more practice.

And thicker knee socks.


  1. Sounds like you need sliding pads, every softball player's staple uniform part which protects her shins when she's on the field, and her knees when she's running the bases.

    Don't get upset about your playing. Really. I tried playing in a league after graduating college, and having played competitively my entire life, and couldn't do it. My body just laughed at me and said, "You're kidding with this, right?!" So, you're three steps ahead of me, girlfriend! Getting out there and on the field is half the battle!!

    Oh, and here's another song for your playlist: "Party People" by Nelly.

  2. Ya know, since it's city league slow pitch, I've never wanted to invest in sliding pads like I had when I played fast pitch. I don't know why...sliding in slow pitch is no different than sliding in fast pitch. The ground is the ground!!! Haha! Maybe I should get another pair...

    My body is straight-up traumatized after last night's game. Every year, without fail I get ridiculously sore after the first game because I go months without sprinting bases, shuffling, and batting. It takes my body a few weeks to get used to the movements again. Even my ribs hurt. It hurts to laugh...which obviously makes everything funnier.

  3. I really hope your foot feels better! Hopefully you just overstretched a ligament or tendon.


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