Giant Squid Awareness Month

Thursday, March 22, 2012

As many of you already know, raising awareness of the giant squid has been the social cause nearest and dearest to my heart for many years. But I'm not standing in the streets with a clipboard asking for signatures, nor am I picketing outside my state congressman’s office in an effort to help giant squids earn civil rights or to grant them equal protection under the Constitution. Not even close. I just want people to be aware that the giant squid exists … period.


"Why?" you might ask, rightfully confused and skeptical.

Because I want everyone to be as miserable as I am. 

Be aware my friends, be aware.

Giant squids are out there. 

I’m a God-fearing woman, but I’m also a squid-fearing one, too.  

I believe that all of God’s creatures were crafted meticulously with His mighty hand, but I also believe that even God himself would admit that He made a few “Oopsies!” when it came to ocean life. 

For example:

This is the aptly named "Blob Fish". How ... unfortunate.

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And this sexy beast right here is the "Gobblin Shark". He probably gets alllllllllllll the ladies:
 {Source}

Maybe God was getting a little sleepy by the end of the fifth day or perhaps the angels started messing around in His workshop while he stepped outside for coffee breakwe don’t know for sure. But what we do know is that God totally tried to make up for these creation faux pas by dumping all of the nasty fish a thousand leagues under the sea, never to see the light of day. (That is, until man evolved enough to create the technology capable of building deep-sea submersibles and started to actively seek out creepy things because we "have to know what’s down there". No we don’t. Don’t be stupid.)

Unfortunately, one of these creatures occasionally slips through the blackness of even the deepest parts of the ocean and surfaces near a boat or washes to shore, announcing its existence to the world and rightfully scaring me out of the idea of ever going swimming again.



^^Who do I have to blame for that? I could have gone the rest of my life completely oblivious to the fact that giant squids exist at all and would have died a happy, ignorant old woman in my bed. But nooooo! Some giant squid living 10 miles beneath the ocean’s surface decided to be a smart ass and DIE and let his scraggly carcass get caught in a fishing net, spurring scientists to go looking for even more giant squids so they could “understand them better”. Why, I ask. Why? Why do you need to understand the giant squid? Do we plan on using them in any beneficial way? Are their bodies a renewable energy source that can power a Prius? Can you make a squid into a pretty hat? Are you going to hire one to build skyscrapers or help with city planning? What’s the point? Take a cue from John Lennon and just let it be, friends. Let it be.

But thanks to man’s insatiable curiosity and desire to learn all there is to know about the world around us, I’m stuck living in paralyzing fear of the giant squid. 

Just in case you ever have any trouble identifying a giant squid on your own, I’ve taken the liberty of revealing some of their more clever disguises so you can be well-informed and privy to their tentacled shenanigans.


This is a giant squid that looks like Harry Potter.


This is a giant squid on his way to the office. 



This is a giant squid who thinks he’s a pirate.



This is a giant squid that supports our troops.



This is a giant squid that wants to propose marriage. 



And this is a giant squid that needs to buy a stamp.

Just doing my small part for the cause. Remember kids, knowing is half the battle!

Because knowledge is power!

(All images courtesy of my feeble work in Microsoft Paint.)

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9 comments

  1. Okay cute! LOL but your drawings do make the squid look kind of inviting.

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    1. There's nothing inviting about a giant squid and the fact that you think otherwise makes me want to disown you as a sister.

      I had to make him cuter than necessary, otherwise I would had a seizure and died while drawing it!

      Delete
  2. Bahahahahaha! Hilarious! Oh no! Not the blog fish!

    Courtney, behind you! Tentacles! Run!

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  3. Those animals are quite unfortunate, I must say. And to think some people complain they're not good looking enough!

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  4. Thank you for including the Blob Fish. I feel that this issue definitely needs exposure so that the public can become aware and take necessary precautions when sharing the salty waters with this creature.

    P.S. Giant Squid on his way to the office. THE BEST.

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  5. I am not sure why you are fixating on the giant squid. The fact that scientists have to go looking for them should be enough of a comfort that you will most likely never come across one in real life. However, you should be afraid of the BLOB FISH. That thing is nasty, and far more likely to touch you while swimming. Probably doing permanent damage to whatever it touches...rendering that body part unfortunately ugly for the rest of your life.
    So I am beginning my own campaign to raise awareness of the Blob Fish.

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    Replies
    1. Ya know, I honestly couldn't tell you how or why I became "obsessed" with giant squid. I've always been unnaturally afraid of ocean critters that aren't cute and romanticized (like dolphins or beluga whales), but I was always particularly leery of the octopus. Really, a gelatinous, blobby animal with 8 tentacles riddled with suckers is probably the most hideously scary creature I could imagine touching me (aside from the angler fish). So anytime I visited the ocean, I was afraid to swim because I didn't want to step on one. Then I saw some special on the giant squid YEARS ago and thought, "Wait, they make icky, tentacled creatures even BIGGER?". I was done for.

      It doesn't matter that the live in the deep and I will never encounter one. Fear knows no logic. That's why I jokingly refer to this as my "irrational fear of giant squid". It's like the woman on Maury who was petrified of pickles. She couldn't even be in the room with a tray of them! Why? Pickles never attacked her or murdered her family. It didn't make sense. But I guess it doesn't have to.

      Really, we should join forces with our campaigns and just call it "Icky, Gelatinous Creatures of the Deep Awareness".

      We can make posters.

      Delete
  6. Oh no! Hahaha, I commented on your 10 Things That Make You Happy post about my love of Giant Squids, then I read this post...we are on opposite ends of the Giant Squid spectrum! But I won't hold it against you and will keep reading! :)

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  7. im with you here! ive hated tentacles since an octopus touched my leg on holiday! tentacles are bad. :(

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