Disney depression

Friday, September 23, 2011

Yesterday I saw a rickety old Toyota driving down the street that looked exactly like the Pizza Planet truck from the original Toy Story movie.


Whoever owns that vehicle should hang one of those little green aliens from the rear view mirror. I was almost offended that they hadn't already. 


Speaking of Disney movies, I'm sure that you're all well aware that The Lion King was re-released in theaters for a short run in 3D. Ashley and I literally started crying tears of pre-adolescent joy the day that we finally got to go to the see the movie at the theatre back in the 90s. I thought the opening number where the witch doctor monkey holds Simba up on Pride Rock was the most brilliant accomplishment in cinematic history. However, about 20 minutes into the film, I had my first ever traumatic emotional experience and haven't watched the movie in about 15 years. 

When my mom excitedly text me the other day and said, "The Lion King is coming to theaters in 3D!", I couldn't muster up much enthusiasm. I replied, "I'll pass.Watching Mufasa get trampled by wildebeests in 3D does not bode well for me." When what I really meant was, "Being almost 26 years-old and crying in a movie theatre full of children does not bode well for me". 


I didn't shed one single tear when I watched The Notebook, but a fictional cartoon lion getting run over by animals in an African desert is enough to leave me curled up in the fetal position with a box of tissues. I get emotional just thinking about it.

Disney has the amazing capability of making even the most whimsical child's story incredibly depressing. When Clay and I started watching Up!, we almost had to turn it off less than 15 minutes in. "This is a CHILDREN'S movie?" we kept shouting incredulously between sniffles. And how about the end of Toy Story 3 when the toys join hands as they accept their fate in the landfill's incinerator? I couldn't sleep that night.

And what about Bambi's mother? Shot by a hunter.

What about Todd's mother from The Fox and the Hound's? Shot by a hunter.

Belle's mom? Dead.

Jasmine's mom? Dead.

Ariel's mom? Dead.

Snow White's parents? Dead.

Nowadays I have to pop a Xanax and have a full week of intensive therapy under my belt before I can event attempt to sit down and watch a Disney flick. Is this our way of toughening up children to the harsh realities of life? Or is just easier to kill off a character so the writer's don't have to work so much?

In other news, my office held a tailgating party next to our office building and it lasted no less than 3 hours. The fall weather was perfect for sitting outside and stuffing our faces with homemade goodies. I made potato skins for the event and burned the dickens out of my arm while preparing them this morning. Apparently a pan you put in the oven at 450 degrees is HOT. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and gets a chance to enjoy this gorgeous autumn weather. I'm thinking a glass of apple cider is in my very near future.

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