I feel pretty, oh-so pretty
I feel so gross today.
"But WHY, Courtney?" you might ask. "Are you not the constant beacon of beauty, dignity and grace that you display for us on this blog day in and day out?"
Contrary to popular belief, no. I am not.
Sunday night I went to bed and had a horrific time trying to fall asleep. Every time I was about to doze off, the air in the room would suddenly shift and I would jolt awake. Turns out my ears were popping and every time one of them popped, the noise from our bedroom fan would suddenly get louder. I also started to feel a dull ache in my lower jaw and below my ear that had me questioning whether or not someone sneaks into my room at night and punches me in the face while I sleep ( ... Clayton.).
Monday morning wasn't too much better. The whole left side of my face was sore and I kept getting the sensation that I had water clogging my ears even though I haven't been swimming lately and probably don't bathe as much as I should (that's a joke). Around two in the afternoon I suddenly felt so nauseous that I had to excuse myself from work for the rest of the day, lest I throw up all over my desk and/or co-workers. I begrudgingly cancelled my blood donation appointment at the American Red Cross and notified our local food bank I wasn't going to be able to make it in to volunteer that night (of course, the first night I'm signed up to volunteer I have to call and cancel. I spent the better part of ten minutes obsessing over whether or not they thought I was faking because I really just like the idea of volunteering ...). As soon as I got to my car, I drove myself straight to the doctor.
A word of advice: If you ever find yourself sitting in an examination room waiting a million years for someone to see you, the most sure-fire way to get the doctor to come in is to start doing something incredibly embarrassing (kind of like how getting up and going to the bathroom at a restaurant seems to make the food come faster). Once I started picking my nose the exact same moment my gyno burst through the door. She found me, mid-pick, and we had an awkward moment of silence while I tried to make like I was just scratching the inside of my nostril. This week I opted to start reaching for a magazine on a nearby shelf and literally fell off the examine table as my doctor came walking in. (This tactic also works when you call your credit card company and are placed on hold. The same second you decide to start singing along to the background music, someone will come on the line and start talking to you. It's physics or something.)
I was diagnosed with the beginnings of an ear infection. I didn't have a fever, my ears weren't red, but the inside of my ear canal was definitely "bulgy" (just what every woman wants to hear). I was told to pick up some Mucinex to encourage fluid draining and just let nature run its course.
So for the past two and a half days I've been walking around with a constant urge to pop my ears and the unpleasant sensation of fluid draining drown the back of my throat.
On top of that, I was in a rush this morning and didn't realize that the jeans I put on had soured overnight in the washing machine. Apparently my lilac-scented dryer sheets are not a magical cure-all, and I came to work today stinking to high heaven. I kept a safe distance from people and, once I decided that I didn't even want to be around me, I called Clay and begged that he drop off a clean pair of jeans to me on his lunch break. He willingly agreed because Clayton has also felt the embarrassment of wearing dirty pants in public.
He and I really need to get better about doing laundry. We are notorious for tossing clothes in the washer, forgetting about them for days, and then having to re-wash them again and again to get the stink out. We've seriously batted around the idea of hiring a maid for the sole purpose of doing our laundry ... and maybe the dishes. I hate doing those, too. Just ask the fruit flies in my kitchen.
So between being "bulgy", living off a steady diet of my own snot, and wearing sour trousers ... I felt less than glamorous today.
But this evening I was finally able to get to the hair salon to have my highlights touched up and get a trim, so that made me feel a little bit better. Sure, I still feel disgusting ... but at least I look a little less gross.