The problem with me
I took to my Twitter today and tweeted that my stress cup overfloweth. And that’s very unusual for me because I normally thrive in stressful situations and get my best work done when I’m overwhelmed and on a tight deadline (us journalism kids are bred to be that way). But for some reason my usual “can do” attitude has been replaced by sporadic tears and different crimson shades of embarrassment as I make one stupid mistake after the next.
Now, I’m not trying to make excuses (although that’s always the easiest way to moss over anything), but I have really consistently felt like crud for the last several weeks. I’ve gone from a girl who never had a headache in her life, to be a hot mess lying on the couch with a heating pad cradled behind my head.
I carry all of my stress and tension in my face (which makes me look constipated most of the time), and it normally manifests itself into wicked jaw pain and, more recently, the worst headaches I’ve had in my life. I had a headache a few weeks ago that hung out with me for almost an entire week before I successfully managed to suffocate it with enough Bayer aspirin to tranquilize a baby elephant. However, last night my OTHER temple wanted to get in on the party and started throbbing like the speakers at a seedy nightclub.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m tired, moody and my back and neck have been aching for days. Occasionally my eyes start burning and I see a weird spark go shooting across my line of vision. Once I literally ducked because I honest-to-goodness thought it was a lightning bolt.
So, I opened up my Big Book of Hypochondria to see what I might currently be dying of.
Based on my symptoms, it looks like I might have/be the following:
- pregnant (Heaven help us all.)
- under-active thyroid
- brain tumor
- eye tumor
- general tumor of the body
But really, more logical explanations might be:
- Stress and chronic worrying
- Sitting at a computer all day jacks up your back and neck
- Working 12+ hours every single day because instead of taking on a part-time job to alleviate some of the pressure to do freelance, I just added those hours in addition to my freelance workload and now work until 10 p.m. every night, totally negating the reason why I quit my advertising job and started working from home in the first place … And I’m in front of the computer the whole time (see number 2).
- Sleeping in bed every night with a man who breathes loud enough to wake the dead. I know it’s not his fault, but Clayton loves sleeping on his back, thus snoring and breathing super loud out of his pie hole which causes me to wake up and jab him in the ribs, hissing “ROLL OVER!” at least 5 times a night. Seriously, I know he can’t help it, but it’s super annoying and sometimes I take advantage of the fact that he’s dead asleep and won’t remember anything in the morning, and I poke or punch him extra hard because you know what? It makes ME feel better.
- Overtraining for my marathon because it’s my prerogative. I don’t give my body enough time to rest because running makes me feel like I’m in a Red Bull commercial and I just want to keep going. Also, I’m obsessively worried I’ll lose my endurance and majorly fail at my next mini marathon, thus embarrassing myself in front of my friends, family, and the other 35,000 people running in the race and that thought gives me so much anxiety that I can’t sleep (see number 1 … and 4).
- The future stresses me out and I’m worried about not having enough money to purchase a house or ever being able to afford sending Clayton back to school. I’m scared I’ll lose one of my six billion jobs and am trying stupidly hard to be perfect at everything so no one ever wants to get rid of me. I’m working myself to death to earn money and the only thing that makes me feel better is to run (see number 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6).
I am now googling "how to self-induce a coma". I'm running out of options here ...