Eat Pray Snore

I sat down at 1:30 a.m. last night to finally watch Eat Pray Love.  It was sitting on a shelf at the library on Sunday, so I thought, "Eh, it's here.  I haven't seen it.  It makes sense that I would check this out."

I was hesitant to see the movie since attempting to read the book ended up being a complete disaster.  At 150 pages in, I was so bored that I threw the book across the room and never went back to it.  I get it, she's depressed and feels like she needs to embark on a soul-searching journey in a foreign land to find the missing pieces.  Good for you, Elizabeth Gilbert.  But not everyone has the luxury to just give up a year of their life to travel the world and, correct me if I'm wrong, but none of your problems seem imense enough to warrant my interest.  You're unhappy in your marriage and don't know what you truly want in life? My, my that's a unique story.  Do tell, because I've never heard that one before. We've all got problems.  But you know what we don't all have?  The financial means to be a rogue world traveler and gorge ourselves on pasta and meditation while we try to "figure it all out".

I don't need to be in Rome to learn the "sweetness of doing nothing".  I'm actually experiencing it right now - sitting at my computer, sipping champagne (it's 5 o'clock somewhere and I may have a slight habit), and perusing mindless gossip websites and looking for a new set of ceramic canisters because I have a dream of having the most adorable, fully equipped kitchen on the planet when my dream of owning my own home is finally realized.

That being said, I don't know why I thought watching Eat Pray Love would be different than trying to read Eat Pray Love.  I guess I thought James Franco's dimples would make up the difference.  But they didn't.  And I got bored out of mind and lost interest somewhere in India.  I shut the movie off right when I realized that "Richard from Texas" was played by Richard Jenkins and started thinking about how much I'd rather be watching him in Step Brothers instead.

The only thing the movie did for me was give me an intense craving for a pizza baked with fresh mozzarella and a glass of dry red wine to wash it all down.

I think I'm just inherently hard to please.  I don't think The Notebook is the move romantic movie in the history of ever (I know, I know.  That's so unAmerican.  But guess what? I don't like Harry Potter or Twilight either.).  You know that I think is the most romantic movie in the history of ever? The Story of Us. If you want to watch a realistic, tangible example of what love is really like for 99% of the population, this movie is it.  Not Ryan Gosling reading me stories in the nursing home and waiting for the few and far between moments of lucidness so he can tell me how much he loves me, and then curling up in bed to die with me at the exact same moment in the most morbidly choreographed sequence in the universe.  Trust me, Clay has made it abundantly clear that he is going to die before me and he plans on peeling out of this world somewhere around 65.

Long story short, I just didn't care for the movie.  In case you didn't pick up on that ...


  1. I still liked the movie, hence why I asked for it for Christmas. But your complaints are the same as I've heard from other people about it. I still enjoyed it though. Guess I am odd man out. BUT Story of Us is the GREATEST MOVIE! Right up there with When a Man Loves a Woman! I get weepy just thinking about them!

  2. Longest 133 minutes of my life...and I only watched bits and pieces when I happened to pop my head in the room.

  3. I feel the exact same way! I've never actually seen the movie, but I thought the book was so completely boring. I've never actually told anyone that though because everyone else acts like it's the most intense book ever.

  4. Thank you for this post.... I also didn't make it through EITHER the book or the movie. I expected more from Julia Roberts and her big ass mouth!


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