Sit down, you're rockin' the boat!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

I swear, there’s nothing a giant store of puppies can’t fix.

I spent the better part of yesterday moping around our apartment feeling sorry for myself. Clay gave me the green light to not work all day and let myself have some time to gather my pride and move on from being rejected by that company.

Clay also granted me permission to partake in my favorite type of pick-me-up: shopping. When I finished drinking red wine on an empty stomach, I cleaned myself up and headed to the mall. “Buy yourself something pretty,” my loving husband said to me over the phone. “I want to see you smiling later.”

I sighed and shuffled past the stores in the mall, hoping something breathtakingly amazing would catch my eye and will me to fork over my debit card, but everything looked boring or like a waste of money. For once it seemed like shopping wasn’t going to be the thing to lift my spirits.

But I’m not completely opposed to shopping since I did manage to buy myself an Elmo key chain. That’s not really pretty by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve needed a keychain for months, and I finally just broke down and bought one. My first choice was a Ghostbusters keychain, but it was a $1 more expensive and I’ve become rather thrifty in my old, bitter age.

Clay met me at the mall after he got off of work and we wandered around aimlessly together, him talking about his day and me trying to pretend like I did want to eat everything in the mall food court. Clay finally steered me towards the puppy store, and I fell in love with no less than three puppies – a basset hound, a boggle, and of course, a beagle. The beagle was too groggy from his exhausting day of being adorable, so we let him sleep. I’ve found that it’s a real struggle for me to look with my eyes and not with my hands in a pet store, but I managed (begrudgingly).

By the time we left the mall, I was finally starting to feel better. I’m choosing to look at this situation optimistically and recognize that for whatever reason (for a reason I may never know or for one that may never make sense), I wasn’t supposed to take that job. My life and my beliefs revolve completely around my faith, and I just have to trust that God has something different in mind for me. I’m human, so I can’t understand how something that seemed so perfect for me might not be … but that’s exactly why I’m just a human.

My role in life right now is to be a stay-at-home wife. My job is to take care of my husband, my home, my dog, … and myself. I’ve been given such an incredible blessing to be able to be at home and still make a financial contribution to my family through freelance. Of course I thought I wouldn’t be a stay-at-home wife until I was also a stay-at-home mommy, but apparently God had other plans for me.

Since I’m the only one of my friends that gets to work from home, I thought that made me weird or a lesser person. Now I’m seeing that maybe I’m just incredibly blessed.

Since I’m working from home and rely completely on overflow work to make my money, I thought I needed to find a full-time job in order have stability and consistency. Now I’m seeing that hasn’t been the case and I can just cross that bridge if or when I get to it. If a perfect job falls into my laugh, so be it. But I'm not going to stress in the meantime.

Things are perfectly wonderful right now. I need to stop rocking the boat.

^^This is what heaven is like.

UPDATE:  I just wanted to let you all know that I made good on my promise.  I wrote the first chapter of my book today.  I wish there was someone near by to high-five me. This is going to be a long, arduous process, but hey, it's a start.  A rough start, but a start nonetheless ...

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2 comments

  1. My sister is a freelancer who works from home and we have constant conversations about how good she has it (sleeping later; not working in an office; etc.) versus how good I have it (steady hours; weekends free; social time with coworkers; etc.). It's cliche, but true: the grass always seems greener on the other side. I envy her life and she envies mine! How does it always work out that way?

    Giving you a big high-five for finishing your first chapter -- that's awesome! Writing is definitely hard work, but so rewarding. And puppies do make everything better.

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  2. It's so true! My sister works in an office and has mentioned that she's jealous I get to work in my jammies and sleep in!

    And thanks for the high-five! I didn't write much, but the important thing is that I took a step in the right direction. I have a chronic fear of being all talk, so I'm glad I finally made the move to go after what I've wanted for so long. Even if it never gets published, I can still say I did it! :)

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