The Runs

What are you doing this weekend?

Really? That's fascinating.  You know what I'm doing this weekend?

Running 13.1 miles.

*pause for dramatic effect*

I'm having reservations, mostly because my last two attempts at a  long run have turned into a giant suck fest.  I was supposed to run 8 miles this past Saturday, but October got its wires crossed and thought it was summer, reaching 85 degrees by the time I decided to lace up my sneakers.  I haven't run in that kind of heat for several weeks, so my body got confused, and when my body gets confused, it feels like it's going to have diarrhea.  I can't think of too many people who are cool with getting het vliegend schijt (which literally translates into "the flying sh*ts") in public, let alone while they're doing some sort of physical activity that involves short-shorts and lots of leg flailing.

So yeah, Saturday was a bust.  And today was supposed to be my very last run before the marathon, an easy-breezy 3 miles ... but I couldn't even do that.  It was freezing cold, pouring rain, and I only made it 1 mile before I cramped up so bad I had to stop.  Seriously, what gives?  That was my very last run before I have to run the longest distance I've ever run in my life, and I blew it.  Maybe running is just like Broadway and that a crappy dress rehearsal makes for a brilliant performance?  Gah! Who knows!? The only play I was ever in was the Ugly Ducking in 1st grade (and I was cast as the ugly duckling, a thank-you very much), and I got to read my lines directly off a piece of paper.

And it just stinks because people run these half marathons ALL the time and they probably don't whine and blog about how scared they are. I just want to finish.  FINISH.  That's all.  I've already resigned myself to the fact that I'm not going to get a time less than 2.5 hours, but given the last few weeks, I worry I won't be able to pull off even that.  I feel like if I walk, I'll be failing myself and all the weeks of training I've gone through.  But what if I get a cramp? What if I psyche myself out? What if I get diarrhea!?

I'm just a ball of nerves, and work being hellacious is NOT helping me relax.  I'm so tied up in my anxiousness over the race and my stress at work that I haven't even had a hot second to revel in the fact that TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

Seriously though, work is another point of contention for me that I can't even get into because 1) I don't want to be too detailed about it right now and 2) Clayton blowing on every single forkful of his hot spaghetti is annoying me so much I think I might punch myself in the face ... or him ... whichever is funnier.


  1. Wow! This is one of your FUNNIEST posts I've read in a while. I was dying laughing in just the first paragraph!

    Start making Clayton eat alone in this room when you're blogging. :o)

    You can do this marathon! I know you can. We will all be cheering you own.

    And happy birthday!!!!!

  2. ha ha ... Thanks! Blog posts about bodily functions seem to be wildly popular.

    I told Clay to quit blowing on his spaghetti and he got really crappy and was like, "If you didn't want me to blow on the spaghetti, you shouldn't of made me dinner!"

    And I said, "I didn't eve know that was an option!"


Post a Comment