Big Brother

Monday, June 28, 2010

I totally hate that the internet is like one giant space satellite and I’m like a tagged manatee that can be tracked whenever and wherever. I swear, I looked at one jacket on overstock.com and now said jacket is following me EVERYWHERE. While I was on Lamebook.com perusing through the dim-witted things people say in a public forums, that cute overstock.com jacket was staring at me in the sidebar. “Remember me!?” it taunted. Well of course I remember you, stupid. How could I forget? You’re all I’ve been thinking about this afternoon, and now I’m going to take your magically popping up everywhere as a sign that I must have you. Why? Because I believe in magic, not in the power of targeted internet marketing.

I think what I hate even more is that I’m so GULLIBLE with things like this. The logical side of my brain knows that this is all a scheme, and that the president of the internet keeps track of the sites I’ve visited and what I’ve clicked on. Big Brother knows I was looking at the jacket and thinks that if I see if enough times, I’ll just give in and buy it. They count on me being a uninformed consumer. In fact, they’re banking on it. And while I understand this to be true and know I don’t have any need for yet another jacket I’ll never wear, the illogical side of my brain is like, “EEEEEEEEEEEEE! SO CUTE! I LOVE BUTTONS!”

Remember the Pavlov dogs? They were conditioned to drool every single time they heard a bell because they associated the sound with being fed. Humans (me) are no different. If you show me something I like enough times, I’m going to whip out my credit card in response (and probably drool a few times in the process). Case in point: I am conditioned to gravitate to any store that has the words “SALE” printed on the window. If you even say the word “mall”, I’ll reach for my wallet.


But don’t worry, I didn’t buy the jacket. I can continue to sit here looking smug because I beat the system. Your internet voodoo has no power over me. I can resist. I can abstain. I can choose practicality over materialism.



Nevermind the $30 I dropped on face cream earlier this week …

Moral high horse FAIL.

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