How Not to Win Points with Your Boss:

(Setting: a meeting involving my boss, several co-workers, and myself)

My boss: “I can’t believe it! I got pulled over by a cop driving down the street right in front of the office!”

Co-worker: “Oh no! Did you get a ticket? Was he nice?”

My Boss: “Oh yes, he was very nice. In fact, he said, ‘I pull over a lot of your employees on this street. You guys must be really eager to get to work!’”

Me: “Nah, we’re just really eager to leave.”

My Boss: *silence*

Speaking of work, a co-worker of mine just adopted the CUTEST puppy from a neighboring county’s animal shelter. He is to die for! He’s some sort of cocker-spaniel concoction and he reminds me of Clifford the Big Red Dog, only black. He’s just the right amount of fuzz (dogs should never be fluffy or have long hair, in my humble opinion), and at only 3 months of age, he’s immaculately obedient. He was lying under my co-workers desk napping for most of the morning.

Imagine how hard it was for me to concentrate on ANYTHING today knowing that less than 15 feet from me is a furry ball of wet-nosed, playful splendor. I came up with at least three different excuses to go talk to my co-worker so I can bother her puppy.

In our next department meeting I’m going to suggest we adopt a “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, but I’ll slate it into my email calendar as “Take Your Dog to Work So Courtney Can Play with It and Not Get Anything Done Day”. Or maybe I can suggest that annual raises be granted not in monetary form, but puppies.

“You are a valuable asset to this company, and you have tremendous work ethic. Here! Take a beagle! On the other hand, Clyde didn't do so well this quarter, so we gave him a poodle.”