Ointment

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ugh, I cannot stop watching 16 and Pregnant.  Every episode is painfully similar (giant, stretch-mark free bellies and deadbeat boyfriends who can't wrap their brains around parenthood *shock and surprise*), but I feel each mini train wreck brings something new and fun to the table. For that MTV, I thank you.

Aw, this teen thinks her and her boyfriend are going to move in together and be a happy little family ...

You poor stupid, stupid girl.

This is a slow posting day for me.  Work was work and then I came home, played Super Mario Wii until I threw my remote across the room and stormed off, ate some soup, then took a two hour nap.  In addition to being groggy, I'm also grumpy because my guitar tuner is busted and "Eleanor Rigby" sounds like unicorns being choked by lephrechauns.  *sigh*

But I can share this with you:

I have ... gross feet.  Don't worry, I've totally come to terms with it.  I've had 24 years to get used to the fact that my feet shouldn't be allowed out in public without some sort of courtesy covering.  When I was a sprout I pulled a scalding hot cup of coffee onto myself and my dad's lap.  It left a pretty gnarly scar on my right foot, but I still have all my toes, so I can't really complain.  In fact, I hardly even notice it.  In the last few years only one person has pointed it out to me and it took me a second before I realized what they were talking about (I'm that used to it).

Flash forward to a few years later: When I was about 11 I managed to drop a metal mixing bowl directly on top of my big toe on that same foot (leave it to me to have excellent aim).  I remember it as being on the most painful experience of my life and can still perfectly recall all the many shades of purple that toe turned before the nail grew angry and fell off.  The toenail never grew back properly, and one drunken night in college led to my nickname "Janky Toe". 

So all of this, combined with many, many years of running and sports, my toesies are less than gorgeous.  And like I said, I'm mostly okay with.  Nail polish does wonders for concealment.  However, all toe nails need a chance to breathe every so often, janky or not.  I removed the polish a few weeks ago to begin a regime of tea tree oil and Vitamin E to see if that would do any good for the upcoming flip flop weather.  I buffed the dickens out of them and unfortunately buffed away a little too much. The top chunk of my janky nail literally crumbled away and now my toe looks like it has a little half moon stamped on it.  Luckily, the nail itself looks really clean and pretty!

I told you all of that boring nonsense just so I could help you make sense out of the following illustration. While at work today I tried to describe to my sister the current state of my footsies, but typed words failed to do it any justice.  I opted to draw it instead ...

*My toe nail is really not green.  I had to make it stand out for aesthetic purposes.
I'm really not as hideous as I sound.  Usually.

P.S. I hate the word ointment.

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