Kate Gosselin for the win ...

Monday, March 22, 2010

I got floss stuck between my teeth.  I got cheap Wal-Mart floss stuck between my teeth and when I tugged to remove it, THE FLOSS WOULD NOT MOVE.  There was no time for thinking, I just started pulling furiously and felt my teeth shift. Shift.

Guess who won't be falling asleep tonight?

I hate when things like this happen.  It's just one more thing to obsess over and fret about.  Did my teeth permanently move?  Did I do damage that only braces or dentures will fix?  Is Clayton going to divorce me because I have bad teeth!?

After I successfully dislodged the offending floss from my teeth, I could freely wiggle one tooth back and forth.  I'm sure it's to be expected after pulling against it so hard, or just from cleaning around it in general, but to me it means that I've knocked it loose and when it re-roots itself it will be jutting out of my mouth at a 90 degree angle.  My lips won't be able to close around it and I'll have to carry around a drool rag at all times ... or wear a bib.

That'll get me places.


Does anyone else remember that episode of Rocko's Modern Life when Philbert had to battle Rocko's giant tooth after some X-ray machine made it grow uncontrollably?  Anyone? Anyone?  Gosh, that show was so gross.


Anyway, Dancing with the Stars was FINALLY on and watching Kate Gosseling spin around the dance floor like a wilderbeast in sequins was exactly as awkward as I had hoped and prayed it would be.  The judges said Kate let her nerves get the best of her, and that she needed to learn how to relax and have fun. However, I think she just needs to get over herself and admit that she has the grace of a rusted truck. Home Girl looks like she could murder you with her eyes ... and you're not fooling anyone, Kate.  We know that porcupine do' is hidden somewhere under those extensions, waiting to unleash its fury.



I used to love Jon and Kate Plus 8, but seeing what it did to this family, and especially her, makes me angry.  It's obvious to everyone (except to her and Jon) that television and money is what ultimately tore them apart (and really brought her controlling behavior and his weakness to the surface), so you'd think the most logical solution would be to bow out of the public eye and regroup.  But no, a very public divorce is the ultimate segway into a very embarassing stint on a dance show.

Riddle me this:  If Jon's busy wearing Ed Hardy tshirts and dating skanky college girls, and Kate is boogying with a hunky ballroom dancer everyday... who's watching the kids?

They should just pack them up and ship them off to the Duggars' baby farm house.

UPDATE:  Much to my surprise and delight, I woke up this morning with all of my teeth fully intact and a complete absense of wiggling.  What I have in my mouth is a white, pearly army of awesome. 
Courtney: 1 Floss: 0

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