Hot Sundae

Monday, March 15, 2010

When I saw that my favorite episode of Saved by the Bell was on this morning, I knew today was going to be a good day.  It was the one when all of a sudden the girls decide they're good at singing and Zach remembers that his dad knows a record producer.  Jessie is under all sorts of stress trying to commit herself to both the singing group (Hot Sundae ... lolz) and to trying to bring up her grade in Geometry so she can get into Stanford (No, Jessie, I'm pretty sure you will ultimately decide to forgo the academia route and head straight for Show Girls). So in an effort to be a people pleaser and do sixty bazillion things at one time, she purchases caffeine pills from a drugstore. Slater becomes really concerned and Zack has a come-to-Jesus talk with Jessie because everyone knows that caffeine pills are the gateway drug to meth and crappy feature films.

Really, I think I like the episode so much because of this:


I used to want to be Kelly Kapowski, and I'm pretty sure I still do. Men melt for purple-striped leotards and feathered hair.

I also had a $5 foot-long sub which equals about a mile of happiness in my tummy.

However, I was slightly dismayed when I took a break from work to check my favorite gossip site, thesuperficial.com.  The writer, a man, loves posting bikini and half-way nude pictures of chicks, and for some reason that appeals to me.  Today, he posted pics of Francia Raisi, an adorable girl who plays a skanky one on Secret Life of the American Teenager, as she went roller blading.  As I clicked on her pictures, my like for her only increased when I noticed that (and I mean absolutely no disrespect because she's incredibly pretty) she didn't have the most slender legs of any girl I've ever seen.  In fact, it was quite refreshing.  This girl is incredibly in shape (I'm pretty sure she just starred in an ice skating movie) and has the muscular thighs to show for it.  In addition, though it's kinda hard to confirm while she's wearing skates, she may or may not have a little bit of a cankle situation going on.  This delights me verily because I've been dealing with angst against my own legs since the very first time I put on shorts. I remember looking closely at my legs and thinking, "Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to have ankles. Other people have ankles.  Something happened to mine."  So, my cankles and my fuller thighs have been a sore spot on my self-confidence and seeing a hot girl with a similar situation gave me hope ...

... until I read the comments on the post.  I believe someone's exact words were "that's unfortunate about her legs" and "her legs are approaching maximum density".  Someone didn't even bother to leave a legible comment, they just typed out "TUBBO".

Self-esteem replenishing FAIL.

So I took the liberty of posting the most flattering pictures of my legs that's ever been taken. 
Namely, because my legs are NOT in it.


Ironically, this wasn't the only time thighs were brought up in my daily conversation.

I love my husband more than any awkward Hallmark card can express, and one of the reasons why is because our senses of humor line up so perfectly.  When you've been with someone for almost seven years, it's bound to happen (I think it's physics or something).  We've pretty much morphed into one giant ball of fart jokes and South Park impressions.

Today's email conversation at about 4:30 (late afternoon conversations between us always end up being about food.  And I wonder WHY I have cankles ...):

Me: "Whatcha want for dinner? If we have chicken or fish with some combination of vegtables one more time, I'm going to go on a veggie killing spree."

Clay: "I really don't care what we have.  We can go to the store and look after work."

Me: "Gosh. NOTHING sounds good."

Clay: "Yeah, but I'm getting hungry.  What can we eat?"

Me: *bored* "Each other?"

Clay: "I think if it came right down to it, and I knew you'd live without your leg, I may toss it on the grill."

Me: "Lucky for YOU my thunderthighs could feed you til' next winter.  Is thunder thighs one word or two?"

Clay: "Well, 'thunder' is a word, 'thigh' is a word, so there's two words right there, but I guess if you put them together, you'd get one thing."

Me: "Thunder, by itself, is the crackling boom in the sky caused by the increasing heat of a lightning bolt.  And thighs are a part of the lower limbs located between the pelvis and the knees.  But, TOGETHER, thunder thighs join forces to become the unappealing conversion of cellulite and 11 years of softball."

Clay: "You want pizza?"

Me: " ... ya."

We had pizza.


Alright, the newest episode of True Life is on.  Me and my thighs are gonna rumble on outta here.

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2 comments

  1. LMAO! Cute convo with the husby! What kind of pizza did you have? I had cheesecake!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Okay that episode of Saved by the Bell is my absolute favorite as well!!

    ReplyDelete

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